Last Time
by GwenCThompson
Summary: Because sometimes the "right" thing to do will just hurt everyone involved. Tonks and Remus after Remus goes to visit Harry in DH. One-shot Cover photo belongs to jessmindless


It's close to two am. Why does everything always happen to us at two am? I stare at the door. How did I even get here again? I'm not sure. No matter where I go, I always find myself in front of her again.

The lights are all out inside. And I know she's in her room. Alone. And I know it's my fault. I close my eyes. I should be there with her. She should open her eyes and see me and know that things are better because we're together. I shouldn't have to knock. I shouldn't even be out here, I should be in there. But now the only way to get inside is to ask.

* * *

It's close to two am. Just like so many times before. Maybe the knocking isn't him, half of me wishes. Maybe the knocking is him, the other half wishes just as fervently. Get out of bed, pull on a robe, stumble down the stairs, be careful not to wake Mum, turn on the porch light, and peek out the window.

It's him. I lean my forehead against the door. I can see it on his face. He thinks he's sorry. But is he? He wants this to be the last time we do this. But is it? He vowed never to leave me. But he did.

"Dora? It's me."

"Prove it." Safety first, after all.

"You're pregnant with my child."

I freeze. That's not our normal code. That's the first time I've heard him admit that fact. What does it mean that he's using it now?

"Yes." I reply. Then I remember to prove my identity too.

"Dora, please let me in."

I don't want to, but oh, I want to so badly. I bite my lip and out of the corner of my eye I see my hair go from brown to black to pink to blonde to gray to blue to green and back to brown. Too many emotions. Far too many emotions.

"For how long this time, Remus?" I ask a little too harshly.

* * *

Her questions cuts me deeply. I don't blame her though. "Forever." I reply, trying to put all the sincerity I feel into my words. "This is the last time, I promise."

* * *

Does that promise even mean anything? If something is said over and over again does that make it more true or less true? All I want is him, but he has to know that I won't put up with this kind of shit anymore.

"Good. Because I'm not going to open this door for you again."

"I know."

I take out my wand, unlock the door, and touch the handle. Should I do it? I'm falling apart in here without him, but I can't take much more hurt. I can't keep opening up to him when he just takes both our hearts and breaks them in the name of 'what's right.'

* * *

I hear the lock click open. I want her to open the door, but I can't force it.

_This is the last time, I swear it. I'm a broken man and I need you. I won't take from you anymore, I'll give you what you need too. I'll give you me, because as strange as it is to me, you need me as much as I need you too._

"Dora?"

Silence.

* * *

What's right… is it "right" for me to open this door for again? Probably not. It's not smart either. But doing what's "right" doesn't really matter to me. If I don't let him in things will be worse for all three of us. Because I'm not just Tonks anymore. I'm Mrs. Remus Lupin. And soon I'll be Mummy.

Without a word I open the door. In an instant he's on his knees, his arms wrapped around my waist. It takes all my willpower not to break down crying. I just place my hands on his shaking shoulders.

* * *

Words would be trite in a moment like this. I can't express what I feel and _know _without sounding insincere. I try to say all I mean through my actions: _I'm so sorry. I will __**not **__leave you again. We'll raise our child together. Please forgive me. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I'll be a better husband. I'll be a good father. This the last time…_

* * *

If I talk I'll cry and I can't do that. I have to be strong for my child. I think he can tell just from my expression and stance: _Of course I forgive you. I won't do this again. I __**can't **__do this again. Stay with me. I need you. We're having a kid, you have to do better than this. This is the last time…_

He stands. I won't meet his eyes. I simply turn around and walk back upstairs. Will he follow me? Half of me wishes no. The other half wishes yes.

* * *

I shut the door and lock it. I hesitantly follow her upstairs. She's left the door to her room half open, I peek inside, she's already in bed, back to me. Should I, or shouldn't I? Am I supposed to just know that I've been banished to the couch or have I not been banished at all? She turns and our eyes meet for the first time. She beckons me closer. I follow.

* * *

He's standing there like a scared little boy. I reach out and take his hand in my own. He squeezes my hand and I squeeze back. Still connected he slips off his shoes and outer layers and lays next to me. Our eyes lock.

I swallow. "I love you."

"I love you." He says at the same moment.

And deep down I know for certain, this really is the last time.

* * *

Her eyes are a kaleidoscope of colors.

"I love you." I say and it doesn't sound insincere or trite.

"I love you." She says at the exact same time.

And deep down I know for certain, this really is the last time.

* * *

**A/N: Inspired by Taylor Swift's collaborative song with Gary Lightbody, "The Last Time"**

**Disclaimer: Remus and Tonks belong to JK Rowling. And "The Last Time" belongs to Taylor Swift and Gary Lightbody. No copyright infringement intended.**


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